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In my shoes by Hedi Cho

글쓴이 : 부목사 날짜 : 2018-01-02 (화) 00:45 조회 : 54
IN MY SHOES: Missing an old Richmond friend during the holidays BY HEDI CHO Dec 30, 2017 When Dan, my husband of 10 years, was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer two years ago, I had one request of him. I asked him to write me a love letter. I wanted Dan to put into written words our friendship, love, marriage and life. I never pressed him for it again until what ended up being the night before he passed away. I asked if he had been able to write it. He shook his head no. In the days that followed his passing, I looked everywhere to find a trace of the __EXPRESSION__ of love I had asked for, but there was none. I wanted this experience to be like the movie where the husband plans a series of love letters to his wife to help ease her grief after his death. Dan and I always believed we had more time. Maybe he thought that writing such a letter would be a sign of giving up — something he never, ever did. I have found, however, that Dan had his own way of expressing his love for me. During the days leading up to his death, he had the roof fixed so that I wouldn’t have to worry about it for the next 10 to 15 years. Dan set up our home winterization so that I wouldn’t have to do it. Even during his sickest moments, he was still planning for us, never saying a word to me. As time passed, I discovered all kinds of things Dan had done to care for me after he was gone. I realize now that all of that was his statement of love to me. During one of our last conversations, he asked me to promise him things that were almost entirely based on me caring for myself, something he knew I had neglected to do during his illness. He requested that I take time to heal — not just from his death, but from the time of supporting him through our battle; that I stay connected with and allow our wonderful friends to help me; that I stay close to our parents; and that I continue to attend church with our children, growing and thriving in our community of faith. Each day without Dan is another where I have to learn how to live without him, missing so many things. I am not easy to understand, yet he understood me, and I mourn the loss of being known. I mourn the loss of sharing the unspoken feelings about everything. I mourn the loss of being someone’s person, and having been loved by him unconditionally. But I am grateful for the soulmate who cares for me even now. More than the words that were never to be written are the memories and his many __EXPRESSION__s of love that are timeless. Hedi Cho works in corporate communications. She lives to write, read and to love and honor her late husband, Dan. She and her family live in Glen Allen. http://www.richmond.com/life/in-my-shoes/in-my-shoes/article_0a557287-e882-5184-9224-d60577897a05.html

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